


I Close My Eyes But You're Still There

by alexcalibur



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Deviates From Canon, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape Recovery, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 15:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30091041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcalibur/pseuds/alexcalibur
Summary: An alternate ending to Episode 5 where Adam entices Langa with promises of new skating techniques, then abuses the trust Langa places in him. Tags are being updated as new chapters get posted, but for now I've tagged some of the themes to expect throughout. This is meant to be an exploration of how an abusive/toxic relationship could come to be, the emotional fallout that can occur after such a trauma, and how recovery can occur after all that. Please only read if you're 18+
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa & Kyan Reki, Hasegawa Langa/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 18
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

Sirens blared in the distance and Langa’s eyes widened as he saw red and blue flashing lights round the corner. Police were here? That wasn’t good. He skidded to a stop and grabbed at the nose of his board while Adam sped past him towards the lights. What was Adam doing? Did he want to get arrested? A second later a gust of warm wind and exhaust blew by him, and he glanced over to see a sleek black car whiz by. It screeched to a halt in front of Adam, who smoothly jumped off his board and reached to open the car. Pausing with his hand on the handle, Adam glanced over his shoulder at Langa to shoot him a wink from under his mask.  
  
“Such a pity for our race to be cut short Snow!” he lamented. “Until we race again!” he blew a kiss in Langa’s direction.  
  
Langa barely registered Adam’s words. Panic was settling into his stomach. The sirens were getting louder and louder, and the blinding lights were coming closer and closer. Langa winced at the light and covered his eyes. Could he outskate the police? Downhill maybe, but to get away from them he’d have to go uphill. There was no way he could skate uphill faster than a car. Fear gripped his chest and he looked back to Adam.  
  
“Wait!” he cried.  
  
Adam, settling into the car now, looked up at him curiously with a smile curling at the edges of his lips.  
  
“Can I come with you? I don’t know where to go!”  
  
Adam paused for a second before bringing his gloved hand up to his chest in surprise.  
  
“You want to come with me, Snow? Why of course!” His surprised expression quickly shifted to delight and he clapped his hands together.  
  
“Come, come, we do need to get away quickly!”  
  
Relief flooding his body, Langa hopped back on his board and slide down the track to meet the car. Adam had shifted over to the next seat, leaving room for Langa, and held out a hand to him. Langa shoved his board into the hand and plopped down into the seat as quickly as he could, then pulled the door shut behind him. As soon as the door slammed shut, the car sped off.  
  
Langa turned to look out the rear window and saw the flashing lights fading into the darkness behind them. His chest was finally able to slow its frantic beating as the car twisted and turned through dark streets, leaving behind the noise and the light and the danger of S. He turned back to face the front of the car and felt a hand land lightly on his shoulder. Glancing over, he saw that it was Adam’s black and red gloved hand. His other hand rested on top of Langa’s board, and a playful smile danced across his lips.  
  
“I have to say that this is an unexpected turn of events, Snow. I was having a good time at our race too, but to be so forward…” his smile turned into a grin.  
  
A blush crept up Langa’s neck to his ears. The adrenaline was fading from his system now and he blinked at the realization that he had just asked a near-stranger for a ride. He wasn’t usually that bold.  
  
“I- thank you for taking me with you. I don’t want to get arrested so… I appreciate it,” He stammered, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. He shifted away from Adam’s touch. “My house isn’t far, it’s over near…” his voice trailed off as he noticed Adam trailing a finger over his board.  
  
“Oh! Sorry, I guess I can take that back now. Thanks for holding it for me.” Langa said, motioning to his board.  
  
“Of course, Snow! It’s certainly a unique board, you can’t find ones like this just anywhere,” he nodded at the foot straps, flicking one of them.  
  
Langa swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, Reki made it for me.”  
  
Adam’s lip twitched. “Oh, the redhead? Hmm…” he clicked his tongue. “I can see some signs of strain on these foot straps you know. I’m sure you’re aware that they will give out in a few weeks?”  
  
Langa frowned. He hadn’t known that, but parts need replacing all the time. “I’ll just get Reki to fix it for me then.”  
  
He held out his hand for his board, and Adam obliged, placing one end of the board into Langa’s hand. His grip was tight on the other end for a moment though, and he leaned in towards Langa.  
  
“You don’t have to accept such lousy workmanship you know. I’ve got much more skilled mechanics who could make you a much nicer ride,” he drawled.  
  
His breath, much closer to Langa now, smelled of mint and tobacco. Langa wrinkled his nose at the scent.  
  
“Uh, thanks. That’s good to know…”  
  
Adam released his grip on the board and brought his hands together in a clap, causing Langa to jump in surprise.  
  
“You know, after watching you skate I have a few recommendations that I believe could greatly benefit your skating. You have so much raw talent, but with some instruction I think you could touch the sky.”  
  
Langa perked up. “Oh, really? You could show me some new moves?”  
  
“Indeed! I’ve always had an eye for fine detail, and I know talent when I see it.”  
  
Langa smiled, his mind already buzzing with anticipation at the thought of learning new skating moves. He’d had so much fun learning to skate with Reki, so learning from the best skater around sounded like a great opportunity.  
  
“Cool! Yeah, I’d be down for that.  
  
“Wonderful!” Adam grinned. “There’s a private skatepark on the Southside of town- meet me there tomorrow after S, if you plan to go.”  
  
Langa nodded and grabbed his phone from his pocket to jot down the details.  
  
“Oh, but don’t bring your friends with you though. This is going to be a private lesson, tailored specifically for you.”  
  
Langa’s heart jumped at the thought. Solo skating lessons again, from someone who was practically a stranger? It sounded like how he had started skating in the first place with Reki. He smiled.  
  
A few moments later the car slowed to a stop. Looking up, Langa saw that they had arrived at his house. Langa shoved his phone back in his pocket and reached for the door handle. As he did so, Adam caught Langa’s other hand between his own, and Langa looked back at him in confusion. Adam’s eyes twinkled at Langa from behind his mask, and he winked.  
  
“It was a true pleasure skating with you tonight, and I cannot wait to see you again Langa.”  
  
Langa’s eyes widened in surprise as Adam raised his hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of Langa’s glove.  
  
“I uh- it was fun skating with you too,” he stammered.  
  
Adam shot him a grin, then made a shooing motion with his hand.  
  
“Well, off you go! It’s late after all, you wouldn’t want your mother worrying!”  
  
Langa nodded, and slowly turned to leave the car for a second time. As he was turning, his gaze passed over the reflection of the driver’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. For half a moment it seemed that the green eyes reflecting back at him were furrowed in displeasure, but as they met his they smoothed out and he wasn’t sure if it had just been a trick of the light. He grabbed the door finally and swung it open, stepping out into the lamplight of the sleeping streets. He stared up at the lights for a moment, then turned to wave goodbye but the car was already rolling down the road. A gloved hand waved at him from the window, then the car turned a corner and was out of sight.  
  
Langa held up his hand and inspected it curiously. He’d been in Japan long enough to know that kissing someone’s hand wasn’t a common greeting. But, he reasoned, Adam was called the Matador of Love, so it must be a personal flair to go with his costume. He wiped the back of his hand on his pants, then tossed his board to the ground. He winced at the clack that echoed through the street, hoping it wouldn’t wake anyone, then hopped on his board and started weaving down the street.

  



	2. Chapter 2

It was half past one in the morning by the time Langa slid to a stop in front of Reki’s house. He looked up at Reki’s window and sighed with relief seeing that the light was on and the window was closed. Reki had made it home then. He pulled out his phone and opened his texts, then his stomach churned as a string of texts popped up in his messages from Reki.

Reki 🛹🎨🔨 – 12:24 AM  
dude there’s cops here I’m coming to get you, hang tight  
Reki 🛹🎨🔨 – 12:39 AM  
where you at?? did the cops get you??  
Reki 🛹🎨🔨 – 12:44 AM  
I’m hiding by the 3rd bend with the bike if you’re still around  
Reki 🛹🎨🔨 – 12:57 AM  
cops are gone, you get out okay?  
Reki 🛹🎨🔨 – 12:58 AM  
I’m heading home but let me know where you’re at! Or if you need me to bail you out of jail 😅

Langa bit his lip. Shit. He’d forgotten to reply to Reki. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard for a moment, then he quickly typed out a reply and hit send.

Langa Hasegawa – 1:28 AM  
I’m all good! Outside your house

A text bubble of three dots immediately popped up, then disappeared. Langa stared at his phone for another beat, then heard the scraping of Reki’s window opening above him. Reki’s head popped out of his window and his gaze scanned the yard below until it landed on Langa. 

“Langa!” he yelped, then his head disappeared.

Several moments later the front door banged open and he came running into the front yard, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. He skidded to a stop just before Langa, then threw his arms around him.

“Oh! Reki, hi!” Langa wobbled and faltered backward at the force, then brought an arm up to steady himself on Reki, whose soft hair brushed against Langa’s chin. Reki stepped back and untangled his arms from Langa. 

“Dude, where have you been? What happened?” Reki smiled slightly at Langa, but his furrowed brow betrayed his concern.

“Well, when the police showed up a friend of Adam’s drove by to pick him up, and I hitched a ride with them.”

Reki’s face drained of colour.

“You got in a car with that lunatic?! What were you thinking?” Reki brushed a hand across his forehead, wiping away sweat and pulling his hand through his hair.

“No, no, it was fine!” Langa rushed to assure him. “Well, I mean, yes I got in a car with him, but it was okay. He just gave me a ride home and we avoided all the police, so it was okay,” Langa tried to smile reassuringly but Reki did not look reassured. He started twisting his hair around his fingers.

“That was so risky though! First with the race, then this… what happened to your promise? That jump over Adam was so reckless, and it- it almost looked like you were enjoying that race.” The look of concern on Reki’s face twisted at Langa’s chest.

“I was! Are you supposed to enjoy skating in beefs? I mean it was dangerous yeah, but… exciting too. The speed and trying to predict the other guy’s moves… it’s kind of fun I guess.”

Reki’s barked a laugh out. “Fun? Sure, I have fun when I’m beefing against regular guys, but Adam?” Reki held up his bandaged arm and balled up his fists. “That wasn’t fun. That was just… scary. Remember what Joe said? Adam’s sent so many guys to the hospital and I’m just the latest. And you might be the next.”

Langa frowned and stared at Reki’s bandaged arm. “That’s right… yeah, you got hurt pretty bad,” Langa muttered. “But it was different, he wouldn’t have hurt me, I- and he said he liked my skating, that he could give me some tips.”

Reki rubbed the back of his neck, then let a long breath out. “Langa, please. Maybe it was okay this time but how can you be sure it will next time too? You’re being so reckless- I mean, with the speeds you were going it wouldn’t take much for you to wipe out. Just don’t see him again. Please.”

Langa bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. Adam’s words echoed through his mind. _I think you could touch the sky._ The promise of being able to better his skating… being better at skating meant more freedom to go where he liked when he liked. Less falling and more soaring. It meant more cool tricks and stunts. Maybe he could even bring back something to teach Reki, who had taught him so much. He steeled himself and finally looked back up at Reki.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “Yeah, I won’t see Adam again.”

He was surprised at how easily the lie left his mouth, but knew he had been right to lie when he saw the worry drain from Reki’s face. Reki’s shoulders slumped in relief and he let out a small laugh.

“Okay, good. I’m glad we’re on the same page, I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt and couldn’t skate.”

Langa smiled back at him. “Yeah, don’t worry. I can promise that won’t happen.”

That, at least, Langa felt was true.


	3. Chapter 3

The next 24 hours passed in a blur. Langa couldn’t stop thinking about his meeting that evening and was spaced out even as he and Reki skated through the streets that afternoon. 

“Well? Helloooo Langa, you in there buddy?” Langa blinked and realized that Reki was staring at him inquisitively.

“Uhhh… sorry, could you repeat the question?”

“I was just asking if you were good to check out this new spot Miya was telling me about. Man, I swear you’re more spaced out than usual today!” Reki swerved closer to Langa and bumped shoulders with him. 

“Ah!” Langa braced himself to catch his balance, then swerved back over to bump into Reki in turn with a grin. “Yeah, that sounds good! I trust your judgment.” 

Reki smiled, but it faded quickly to a look of concern. “Sweet. You sure you’re doing okay though? You’re awfully…” he pointed up to the sky. “Space man, today.”

“Space man?” 

“Yeah, like your head is in the clouds. Up in outer space.”

“Oh. No, I’m good, just been thinking about skating.”

Reki rolled his eyes. “Why are you thinking about skating when we’re right here doing it?”

“I don’t know, I just… it’s been on my mind since last night.”

Reki’s expression shifted. “If you’re worried about getting busted again, I wouldn’t be. I’ve been going up the mountain for years now and that’s the only time the cops have ever come by.”

“Okay, that’s good.” Langa smiled. “So, where’s this new place Miya told you about?”

“Ah, yeah! It’s over this way, down 4 blocks and over 2, I’ll race ya!” 

Langa’s smile grew, and he pushed off the ground to get more momentum.

“You’re on!”

The pair went zooming off through the streets, and Langa forgot about his plans for the first time since making them. His heart beat with excitement as he glanced up ahead at Reki, following his trail for a few blocks before eventually passing him and playfully poking his tongue out as he sailed by him.

\--------------

By 1 in the morning, Langa was leaving Reki’s house after dropping him off after S. He double-checked the directions on his phone before rolling off to the Southside of town, where Adam had indicated they should meet. There was only one skatepark in this part of town, so Langa was confident that he had come to the right place, but he was surprised to see a chain link fence surrounding the park. He looked around for an entrance for a few minutes before eventually finding a gate held shut by a padlock. He reached out to touch the lock but was startled by the revving engine of a quickly approaching car and spun away from the lock guiltily.

Turning around, he saw that the vehicle was the same sleek, black car that had picked up Adam the previous night. It slowed to a stop in front of him, and a moment later the door burst open with a spray of red flower petals.

“My little Langa, how good it is to see you!” As the petals settled to the ground, Adam’s form emerged from behind them. Though his face was still obscured by his mask and the long bangs that fell over one side of his face, he had forgone his usual matador’s attire and instead wore a closely fitted waistcoat over a stark white dress shirt and dark jeans.

Adam bowed deeply, and upon straightening up he flicked his wrist with a flourish to reveal a single red rose.

“For you, dearest,” Adam beamed, his voice softly lilting.

Langa was surprised to see Adam out of his regular outfit, although he supposed it made sense that he wouldn’t wear a matador's costume outside of S. He reached out to take the flower from Adam, a thank-you on his lips, but Adam stepped quickly in closer to him. His hand rose and hovered next to Langa’s ear with the flower.

“May I…?”

“Oh, uh sure,” Langa stammered. 

Adam slid the flower lightly into place behind Langa’s ear with a satisfied hum. It was strange, Langa thought, to see Adam act so casually flirtatious to him outside of S. Outside of the act, the Matador of Love routine. But this was still skating, so maybe he just preferred to act the same whenever he skated. Adam started to lower his hand, but grazed his fingers against the back of Langa’s ear on the way. Langa’s breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened, causing Adam’s smile to broaden. He smoothly stepped in front of Langa, dragging a finger across his chin as he did so, then spun around to face Langa again.

“Now my little darling Langa, I have a question for you before we get started.”

Ignoring the 'darling', Langa nodded.

“How do you learn best? Do you, perhaps, like hearing others tell you what to do? Or maybe you’re more of an observer, _un voyeur_?” he giggled. “Or maybe, like myself, you learn best by taking action, by doing and experiencing,” he raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

Langa scratched the side of his head in consideration.

“I think by doing-” 

“Hah! I thought that might be the case,” Adam flashed a grin at him then raised one hand. Langa’s gaze followed his fingers as they wiggled, swished with a flick of his wrist, then lay flat presenting a shining golden key to him.

“ _Pour toi_ , Langa” he whispered. Langa didn’t wait this time, stepping closer to grab the key from his hand.

He assumed the key was for the gate before them, so he walked over to place it in the padlock. He twisted the key and the padlock fell open easily, the clanking noise echoing in the otherwise quiet night. Pushing the gate open he threw his board down on the ground. He hopped on it and turned around just in time to see Adam shooting toward him on his own board, with one arm outstretched as if to clothesline him. He yelped and braced himself, but rather than knocking him over Adam wrapped his arm around Langa, pulled him close, and dragged him hurtling into the skate park.

“Oh, this will be such fun.” Adam grinned.


End file.
